Ngee says… The antidote to happiness is self pleasure. Yes, read that again. The antidote to happiness is self pleasure at all costs.

Recently, I listened to an interview online and this young man was asked what is the greatest advice he has been given? He replied – “live your life on your own terms”.

Many applauded his wise saying but very few understood the impact of his saying to our society. This saying is what is wrong with our society. For an individual, family or nation that thinks of it’s self pleasure to the detriment of the bigger picture called family and nation building, is already on a path to self – destruction.


Self pleasure:

  • Breaks down communication channels because you want what you want irrespective of who gets hurt.
  • Is insatiable. Look at history; man/nation with a goal to pleasure self, usually begins to harm itself. Example – alcohol/drug addiction begins with self pleasure and destroys the user. Sexual pleasure without control usually leads to insatiable appetite for sex; thereby dabbling with kinky sex till one has no self control.
    The list goes on and on but it all began with the lie that “wanting what I want, is the ultimate happiness”.
    All divorce happens on the premise of selfishness.
  • Revolution is caused by leaders who want what they want irrespective of how it affects its citizens.

Rich says…

Selfishness removes our focus from people and puts it on us. At best, selfish acts can make us temporarily happy, only to leave us with a lasting bitter aftertaste and emptiness.

Self-centeredness is an innate human nature we all must fight and overcome daily.

Remember, truly great people have learnt to care for and serve other people intentionally. The world is made up of every other person and you.

Every successful person knows that success begins with the idea of what you want but is driven by doing what you usually might not necessarily like.

Example: One’s goal could be to lose 10kg and he/she desires ice cream daily. You have to let go of the self pleasure called ice cream, if you will achieve the goal of losing 10kg.


Another example is in building our home –

Your goal is to remain happily married for the rest of your life but your desire is to sleep with others along the way. Anyone that has been married for over a year knows that a marriage will self-destruct, if it is based on just what you want.

Marriage is built on protecting other’s feelings by foregoing pleasures that will hurt them.

I will stop here by asking you to look inwards and ask yourself this question: “Have I sold my happiness and future for the pleasures of now?”.


More on nation and family building –

Are you accountable to your partner? Click this link to listen to our relationship clinic on ‘accountability’ –


Ngee and Rich
(Dr. Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3