A while ago, I got into a deep conversation with a group of friends on masturbation. This led to me sharing my thoughts on how hubby and I surmounted the dangers of masturbation in our marriage.

Masturbation in simple terms, is giving oneself pleasure with the intent to reach orgasm.

In this generation, masturbation seems to be a way of life for so many young adults (both male and female) and even married couples. The danger of masturbation comes to play when one gets married and is not able to share the full pleasure of sex with their spouse because they have already mastered a negative outlet, thereby depriving their spouse the pleasures in marriage.

Hubby and I have dealt with the dangers of masturbation in the early years of our marriage and today we want to highlight the dangers; how to curb them and to build a fulfilling sex life as a couple.

  • Low/high libido – a common issue with those who masturbate frequently is that they either have a low libido which means that they are rarely turned on by their spouse because their brain has been wired to acknowledge self pleasure as the only way to achieve an orgasm or great sexual satisfaction.
    Another could have a high libido and this means that he/she desires sex at all times without control. If the urge is there, sex must occur or masturbation must take place.
  • Pornography – masturbation and pornography seem to go hand-in-hand. For masturbation to take place, a thought process is usually created. Also, for most who masturbate, the pornographic pictures that excite them are usually of other people that are not their spouses; thereby breaking the code of marriage and opening doors for emotional infidelity.
  • Addiction – masturbation could be as addictive as drugs because of the constant excitement it brings. This usually leads to some people finding unusual ways to satisfy their urges. Some go as far as sleeping with different partners physically to satisfy their uncontrollable urge even while married.
  • Destroys sex in marriage – when one has fixed their mind on self-pleasure (masturbation), they are rarely interested in giving and receiving pleasure from their spouse during sex; thereby breaking the covenant of marriage (sex) and robbing their spouse of the great fulfilling pleasure of being satisfied (orgasm) and helping their partner get satisfaction too.
Rich says…

Masturbation is a sin and also an unhealthy/very dangerous addictive habit.

People indulge in it because it gives a false sense of sexual freedom. It destroys intimacy among couples as you no longer need your spouse for sexual fulfillment.

Ways to control masturbation:
  1. Acknowledge you have a problem that is affecting your marriage.
  2. Talk to someone that will help you, like an accountability partner (Counsellors, Pastors, Spouse etc).
  3. Guard your thoughts from pornography and such things that trigger the urge.
  4. Speak to your body and let it know that it is under your control.
  5. Pray about it! This is the most important key.

Shun immorality and all sexual looseness [flee from impurity in thought, word, or deed]. Any other sin which a man commits is one outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18 AMPC.

Do not be deceived, masturbation has destroyed so many homes and brought in unwanted third parties into marriage. Remember the bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4) in thought and action is the way to keep your marital bed alive.

Sexual pleasure is to be shared by husband and wife with the clear intent to pleasure and be pleasured by one another.

Ngee and Rich
(Dr. Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3


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