Hello beautiful ladies, and our beloved husbands, it is another Thursday. Hope you gleaned some lessons from my husband’s teaching last week. I did too!

Today we are discussing don’t lose your voice, authority and power in your home. If you are Nigerian, then you are aware that a protest to #ENDSARS is on! The voices of the masses are being heard at last.

This brings me to our marriages, we all must take cognizance that our voice does not die in our marriage. Your voice as a woman in marriage is so crucial that if lost, can destroy your home.

Example of women voices that mattered: Esther, Deborah and Sarah. Sarah is my all time favourite – she obeyed her husband when the chips were down as they had agreed, by staying with the king. Yet she took a stand to let Haggar go, to protect the marriage sanctity and her son Isaac.

The question most women ask me, is how do I lend my voice without my husband feeling disrespected or hurting me?

Here are a few guidelines:

a) Communicate to him in the best way he understands. If he likes football, tell the story from that point of view.
Example – “honey, just imagine how Messi was sabotaged because Ansu didn’t stay in his place. This reminds me of our home and this disagreement, which is like sabotaging one another. What do you think?”

b) Stop making it emotional/personal – men are logical thinkers. Learn to talk logically-1+1 =2, that is how men think.
Example: “My love do you know that hugging me everyday excites me and usually leads me to wanting sex? Immediately he understands that sex will be more frequent if he gives you more hugs…” (I just shared some of my secrets).

c) Lead him to make the decision; do not force him to make the decision.
This is crucial oh! Most women have conversations with their husbands and expect them to just say yes and immediately take action. Remember that men are ego driven unfortunately. So, share what you think and encourage him to do what he thinks is best.

Then step aside; 90% of the time he will come back to tell you his decision, which is/was your idea. Just smile, and do not remind him of whose idea it was first. Winning is our goal not who scored it (this is another secret of my success in marriage).

Finally, I encourage you not to read this only, but practice and see your marriage blossoming.

Hope you have bought a copy of 2 Sides of the story book; it is a must have for every couple.

Don’t lose your voice, authority and power!

Click here to learn more about using your voice.


(Mrs Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructor 
Convener – Woman and Marriage
Founder Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative.