I am not ashamed to say that the thought of leaving my marriage has crossed my mind several times.
If we can tell ourselves the truth; at least 80% of women in this platform have once in their life thought of just walking away and having a break. These feelings are not bad in itself. It becomes a problem when we act on those feelings without taking responsibility for our own part.

Nehemiah 4:16 (NLT) says “But from then on, only half my men worked while the other half stood guard with spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. The leaders stationed themselves behind the people of Judah”.

The sword signifies prayers and the work signifies actions taken to get the desired goal.

Beloved, prayer is very crucial in developing yourself and preserving your marriage. But your marriage is built by the actions taken or inaction. Hubby and I kept having issues that eventually led to emotional abuse and one time physical abuse. I had to stop and ask myself some certain questions:

1) Am I aware of the peculiarities of my environment?
Patriarchal society…
2) Are my husband’s actions a problem directed at me or a problem of the environment he was born in?
3) Is there a possibility of discussing our situation objectively?
4) Am I the problem because of my environment?
5) How do I work with my situation without losing me?

As I asked these questions and answered them, I realized some key facts:

a) It takes two to build or destroy a marriage.
b) I was part of the problem.
c) Communication between a man and a woman is diverse but speaking each others’ language (the way he/she understands, not what I think) helps in communication.
d) We should acknowledge that we both are flawed because of parental influence, environmental influence and much more.

Disclaimer: This does not include physical abuse or intense emotional abuse. Get help if you are being abused.

Years have passed. Hubby and I have built a friendship/rhythm that works for us. This rhythm is based on one principle – communication (speak, listen and take action on the agreed).

So beloved, before you leave your marriage, please pray and then take intentional actions towards your desired goal. If you need to talk to someone, we are just a click away.

You can also read our book – 2 Sides of the Story; it has helped many couples!

Or you could listen to this teaching; tips on keeping your marriage alive.


(Mrs Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructor 
Convener – Woman and Marriage
Founder Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative.