Ngee says a few things about Covid-19 and your Marriage…
Covid19 is what we all are facing globally. Sooner than we think, it will all be over, but if we do not glean lessons from it; then we indeed lost.
Today, I will like to share with you some lessons I took from covid19 and I hope it helps your marriage:
1) Your reality is usually not the truth:
Many Africans especially we Nigerians rejoiced when we heard that the virus does not survive in hot weather. We accepted our reality as truth, forgetting that the virus could still thrive in our midst. So here we are battling to curb what we allowed in; simply because we perceived our reality as the truth.
This is how many of us live our marriages. Accepting our reality of abuse, lying, cheating and much more as the truth. Thereby subjecting ourselves to much harm. By the time we glean the truth; death of feelings, marriage or a spouse has already occurred, living us with a hopeless situation.
2) Pretending that it will disappear:
A while ago in one of our blogs, we talked about the ‘ostrich syndrome’ – believing that if we pretend long enough our problem will go away. Usually the opposite is the case; the more we pretend, the more we create problems that could be devastating.
When we began to hear about covid-19, many of us were not prepared. We felt it was for other nations and not for us. But here it is at our doorstep and we are nearly losing control. Yet we had all the time to prepare for it.
This also applies in our marriage journey; we see patterns we do not like in our parents, close friends and even in ourselves, yet we pretend that it will never get to us. Forgetting that what you condone becomes. Example – if you condone friends that believe in divorce, gradually you will begin to accept it as the truth too.
Can you look at your 5 closest relationships – it will tell you the direction you are heading to.
Occasionally we all have a curved ball thrown at us just as the world is confronted with covid19 now.
It could potentially affect every aspect of our lives , including our marriages.
Whatever be the case, we must respond quickly and effectively. In marriage we must know that our spouse is not the enemy even if he or she might have caused the problem. We should identify the problem, develop a plan and stick to the plan till we overcome it, without leaving each other behind.
3) Principles! Principles!
I am a stickler for principles. Principles is simply the application of wisdom to a thing.
In this covid19 scenario, it does not matter the part of the world you live in. Washing of hands, social distancing and self isolation, is the principles that helps to curb the spread.
So it is in marriage, the principle has never changed. If you want a successful marriage, there are basic principles you have adhere to. What are these principles:
Friendship – someone to share the bad and good times with.
Insight – get to know how men and women think. Then apply the uniqueness of your spouse to this knowledge.
Discipline – choose to do the right thing for the good of the marriage, not necessarily because of your feelings or your spouse.
Expression – this is key. People fight for what they believe in and for someone to believe in a thing, their voice has to be heard.
Loving – marriage requires selfless service. Think of the other above yourself.
Integrity – let your marriage vows matter. Can your spouse count on you ?
Teamwork – acknowledge that both of you have a role to play in the success of the marriage. It is not a one -man show!
Yardstick – what is your standard/goal and how do you plan to achieve it?
For us, our standard is found in the example of JESUS and the church – Ephesians 5:21-33. Daily we work on our marriage with eyes on the goal/standard.
Dear friends, do not let covid19 just be a situation that came; use it to build a stronger homefront that your children will be proud to emulate.
Do join our F.I.D.E.L.I.T.Y Movement on Facebook as we build our homes-
Ngee and Rich
(Dr Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative
“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3 (CEB).