I will never forget the shock on Ayo’s face as he asked hubby and I our thoughts on Creflo Dollar‘s statement were he said, that he does the laundry in his house. I was looking at him and could literally see the struggle in his mind. How could a popular man be doing menial jobs at home? This got me thinking about the dangers of tradition in a proactive marriage and our part in daily setting the record straight for the community at large.
As I watched Ayo share his obvious shock on Creflo Dollar’s statement, I also noticed something crucial playing out – hubby was uncomfortable in affirming that he also played an active role in house chores too. This piqued my interest and got me to understand how tradition has been misconstrued and passed down to many families. To understand the situation better, I will like to define tradition – an inherited, established pattern of thought or action and proactive – acting in anticipation of future problems, needs or changes (Merriam Webster Dictionary).
A great example of tradition versus being proactive, is a couple trying to get to Abuja from Lagos by using a camel. Nothing is wrong with using a camel as a means of transportation if we are still in the 1900’s; but using a camel in this century with all the options available will be utter madness. The emphasis in this case, is on transportation (movement from one place to another). The choice of transportation will determine the effectiveness of the journey.
The traditions of men came from our forefathers who had little or no insight in marriage and we all saw how most of their marriages played out. In fact, most of those traditions go directly against the laws of God for success in marriage. So it will be shameful for us to hold on to them. It won’t bring forth any success and we must all fight against these traditions to change them. We will not leave such legacies for our upcoming generations, for it will cause ruin in marriages.
We must all embark on a journey to search for the laws that will make our marriages successful and abide by them.
God is no respecter of persons!
So it is in marriage. There are so many things we are holding on to that are endangering our marriage or family growth. This post is to create awareness of these dangers and how to be proactive about our marriage.
Questions you must ask and answer:
- Does helping with the house chores demean the role of a man as the husband?
- Should a woman support her husband financially in building their home?
- Why do we struggle to share the truth about the quirks in our marriage that have helped it work? Things such as sharing house chores as couples, supporting each other’s careers and dreams even if it means relocating for one another’s dreams or switching roles for a short period of time.
What many of us call tradition is simply what our people had at their disposal at that time; like the camel. But to hold on to that to the extent that the purpose is forgotten, is like riding a camel in the 21st century.
So what is the purpose of marriage, one may ask?
Marriage is an institution where its members (husband, wife, children and relations) are given the opportunity to find themselves and harness their gifts for the good of the family and community.
This scripture says it all
“So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
“And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it [using all its vast resources in the service of God and man]; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over every living creature that moves upon the earth.”
Genesis 1:27-28 AMPC.
Ask yourself: are your decisions helping each member of the family feel accepted, while harnessing their gifts/talents? Think about it!
Ngee and Rich
(Dr. Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative
“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3