Last week we began with ‘the importance of communication’, today we will delve into the topic ‘supportive but not enslaved’.

A story comes to mind that buttress today’s topic. 2 husbands shared how their wives gave them their monthly salary when things were tough. The problem with this story is that one husband demanded and forced the wife to give him her monthly salary while the other husband had nearly nothing to do with the wife’s choice. His wife looking at the circumstances around decided to give her salary to her husband in order to support him cum their marriage. With this story one can see clearly the difference between being a supportive wife and an enslaved wife.

‘Threrefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing’, 1 Thessalonians 5:11. TLV

Having been a consultant for roughly 10 years now, I can categorically say that when a spouse is given the freewill to make choice, they usually do it willingly and lovingly. As wives are their choices you are making in your marriage that you feel forced or intimidated into doing? Would you have made the same choice if you were allowed to come to that conclusion yourself?

When I was younger, I usually wanted things in my marriage to run at my own timetable but as year have gone by, I have learnt to bring my strong reasons, negotiate and then step back allowing hubby to breathe, think about it and likely return to agree with the decision I have made. An enslaved spouse is an unhappy spouse and being enslaved is not gender sensitive. A husband could be enslaved by the wife or vice versa.

Questions to ask yourself in order to know if you are in a supportive or enslaved relationship;
  • The things or actions taken in our homes/marriage; do I feel included in the decision making?
  • When last was I excited about the decision in my home?
  • Do I go along with the decision my spouse makes because I feel threatened and I will lose the relationship, or because I know this decision will help ‘us’ achieve our goals?
  • When last did you or your spouse say ‘no’ or ‘not now’ to some decisions and it did not lead to a quarrel or fight?

Ladies, stop manipulating things to get your way. After a while the man usually rebounds and the effect is usually never good for the marriage. No one likes a ‘yes man/woman’ for a lifetime.

Today, I encourage each and every one of us to look inwards and see the kind of marriage we are building. A supportive or enslaved marriage? Let’s think about it.


Need counselling or someone to talk to? We are a click away…


Tap here to get our 2 Sides of the Story book written by Ngee & Rich.


Fuel your marriage
Tap here to get free daily marriage quotes.



Ngozi (Ngee) Okonkwo,

E.D, KRING Hospital,

Founder, Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative.