Ngee says… A couple of times, we had to counsel couples at the verge of divorce. Their bags were packed to leave and they came for counselling for just one reason; for confirmation that they were making the right choice. At least 60% of these couples got back home restored or as I fondly like to call it, restoring love took place. Yet 30% – 40% are not able to come back and build their homes.
What is the difference between these couples?
Couple A: Are aware that they have made mistakes but are willing to let go and give each other another chance even in/with the pain.
Couple B: Hold unto their justification – I am right; my spouse is wrong and must pay for their wrong doing.
These two different attitudes are the determinant factors of a marriage that will make it through the storm or not.
Conflicts births new seasons in our marriage and each new season requires new depths of wisdom, which come from God.
This wisdom must be sought out and applied diligently by both parties, to guarantee change and progress.
I have had 3 severe storms in my marriage. Some more painful than others and I struggled with two choices; do I hold unto my anger, ego and pain or will I allow God into the situation and let Him have His way in my heart and circumstances?
I am grateful that I did not allow my ego win. It’s a tough call but you both have to choose what matters to you and how these choices will affect the children, family and society.
Steps to restoring love:
- Pray: When am hurting, I express my feelings to God. It might take days but daily I show up and tell Him how I feel about the matter.
- Listen: God speaks and when we pray, we have to listen to His response. God can respond through His word, conversations with friends, books, thoughts and even movies. I remember how God responded to a situation in my marriage that could have been volatile through a movie – Kung fu Panda.
- Speak: It’s time to speak to your spouse. Marriage works when we allow one another express how we feel and give the other permission to do the same too.
- Legacy: In your decision making, remember God is counting on you to preserve the institution of marriage in your hands and the children are looking up to you both as examples of what love should be!
Years have passed, we are much older, wiser and more in love with one another. One piece of advice I will leave with all couples reading this is:
‘Never make a permanent decision in a temporary situation’.
This too shall pass… (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG).
Enjoy our special interview with Pstor Wale Adefarasin of Guiding Light Assembly – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5qxtqc_tuFEbd80vrhc3jXz1ASsX0BaD
Learn the principle of REACHING OUT AND CLEAVING:
Ngee and Rich
(Dr. Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative
“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3