I am writing a book about the struggles of women and one thing that stands out is this – ‘women have been taught to love and give of themselves but we have not been taught how to love ourselves.

One occasion comes to mind – a young lady came to see me because of a business proposition. I realized she had a baby recently; so I asked how she was coping, especially in giving love to her husband and child with no one giving her back in return.
She began to cry. She kept saying – “thank you for understanding how I feel Ma”.

I spent time with her, hugged and talked about her dreams; i believe she left refreshed and ready to be the best version of herself.

I literally live a life of giving but I have realized the ability to burnout or breakdown is usually closer than I think.

So I derived a secret formula that helps me love without losing me:

a) Spend time in God’s presence – This is the core of my love story. Without God’s love, I am very sure, I will cease to exist.

b) Pamper myself – I learnt to do what I like for me, no matter how little. For me, pedicure/manicure and my hair is a way to love me. I love reading and usually spend time reading daily.

c) Relax – It’s okay to put up your feet and observe, whether the work is done or not.
Remember, tomorrow will come with it’s own worries. So learn to take it one day at a time.

d) Finally live your dream! – For me this is so crucial. Never lose you because you want to fit into your marriage, network of friends or societal pressure.
When we lose our dreams we begin to die gradually.

Fight for your dreams, adjust and even pause when necessary but never ever lose your dream because of pressures of life.

Being a woman is an amazing journey. Daily I see that the greatest fear we have is not failing but that we might far exceed our dreams/expectations.

Today, I encourage you to become! Learn to love yourself as God has commanded…
Mark 12:31.


(Mrs Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructor 
Convener – Woman and Marriage
Founder Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative.