I do not love you anymore! You are stupid! I regret marrying you!
This is a common scenario when couples are disagreeing. But it’s sad to say that many homes have been destroyed by our words. ‘Guard your tongue’ is a prerequisite for any successful relationship and it is not gender biased!

Matthew 12:34b says it all;
“For out of the fullness (the overflow, the superabundance) of the heart, the mouth speaks” (AMPC).

Our tongue cum words are directly linked to our mind/heart. When emotions of hurt, anger and disappointment surround you, do you allow them into your mind/heart? Or do you pray it through, till your heart is weaned to forgive the one that hurt you?

Few years ago, I had to take a break from everyone and spent time alone. As I prayed to God asking for grace because I was literally burning out and hurting those I love. The Lord whispered, “guard your heart/mind”. As I began to dwell on it, I realized that words do not just jump out from no where, they are usually from within our thoughts.

Answer these questions to know if you are guarding your tongue and heart/mind:

Do I react when my spouse speaks?
As couples we should listen to understand what the other is saying before we respond. If you are reacting without listening, you have to identify why and how to stop reacting.

My spouse is always the problem:
Usually, when we feel our spouse is always the problem; we miss out on character growth and ultimately it leads to disrespecting one another with your words and actions.

Is your relationship abusive?
Many couples use words in an abusive way; which usually graduates to physical abuse if not curbed. Couples must intentionally build a culture of respect and politeness. REMEMBER YOU ARE BOTH ON THE SAME TEAM.

What are your beliefs?
Man is superior, all men cheat, women are liars, there is no good marriage etc.
Your beliefs are mostly founded by culture or family practice and are upheld by things you feed your mind. Guard your tongue by guarding your heart.

Today, check your mind/heart before you speak. You might be saving your marriage!!

To grow more in your Christian walk click here.


Ngee (Mrs. Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructor
Founder Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative.