Many conversations on social media are about how our parents had better marriages in their generation than we have in ours. Today, I want us to critically look at this once and for all; confirming to all that a good marriage cannot be inherited!

Truth be told, our parents didn’t have very good marriages either; many learnt to endure the unhappiness while some made efforts to work on their marriages.

If your parents actually built a genuine loving relationship, then you are among the very few whose parents had a good marriage.
Whether our parents chose to build a good marriage or endured their marriage, the truth still stands that we cannot inherit their marriage. We have to make a conscious effort to build our own marriages.

Marriage is like exercise, it is not transferable! It is either you are working out or not! Can you pay your gym instructor to exercise on your behalf? Of course not! Though he/she is very fit and no matter how many times they exercise; it will have no effect on you till you pick up your body and begin to work on it!

So it is in marriage. Whether you are surrounded by the best marriage counsellors or by great marriages; it makes no difference in your marriage, till you begin to practice and act out what is necessary to keep your marriage alive.

Rich says …

Great marriages cannot be inherited and do not happen by accident. We must find and apply consistently the necessary building blocks.

Also, we must build on the proper foundation of marriage which includes reverential fear of God, agape love for your spouse and commitment to the institution of marriage.

Here are few principles that can jump-start your marriage into becoming good or great:
  • Marriage is a daily investment: Whatever you invested yesterday is for yesterday. Today is a new day with new challenges and requires new learning.
    If we all go with the attitude of every day counts, our marriages will become divorce-proof!
  • Your marriage is a priority: this is like the first one but the difference is that most of us do not list our marriage as part of our top priority goals. Just as you have a to-do-list for the day; do you include your marriage as a part of it? Marriage works only when we intentionally make out time for it.
  • Protect your marriage: Your marriage is a precious gift that should be protected at all cost by both parties. Whatever you know that will hurt your spouse cum marriage, avoid it. Many have lost their homes and marriages because of their selfish needs, thereby failing to protect their marriage.

How is your marriage going? Are you enduring or enjoying your marriage? Remember, good marriages cannot be inherited. We all must continually work on our marriages till death do us part!

Ngee and Rich
(Dr. Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3.


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