The phone is ringing, I pick up, and I hear her crying. Then she says, “He doesn’t understand me! I’m hurting; for i just lost our first child, and hubby comes home excited about his promotion. Yes, it is good news, but i do not believe we should be laughing and rejoicing when we just lost our precious baby. He is calling me a ‘kill joy’. How could he be this selfish? Please, I need help!”. This story is a summary of today’s conversation on Navigating divergent seasons as a couple.

Just like the woman who put a call across to us, many couples are facing similar issues, and sometimes it ends up damaging their marriage because one spouse/the couple didn’t know how to deal with it.
They didn’t know how to navigate divergent seasons as a couple.

If you have been married for a while, you may realise that though you both share the same bed, you might be experiencing completely different emotions or issues, and if we refuse to talk about it , one or both of us might feel frustrated and seperated emotionally. This may lead to physical separation and eventual divorce.

A great example of this is when a couple is pregnant. The wife carries the major burden, including bodily changes, sleepless night, e.t.c. Though the husband is part of the journey, his experience is not the same as his wife. He is usually more about the money and helping out. The major difference is their ability to talk about their shared dreams cum issues, e.t.c.

This also applies to all seasons in marriage. Sometimes spouses are actually in the same season of life, but experience different emotions. Sometimes, they are in divergent seasons, and constant communication and carrying each other along might make all the difference during such periods.

Rather than aiming to be on the same emotional wavelength as our spouse at all times, we should find common ways to share our emotions, while making room for a safe place where each of us can enjoy our seasons.

What season are you in as an individual?
How are you navigating this together?

Remember, a win for one is a win for the team, and a loss for one is a loss for the team. It’s time to look inwards and make adjustments on how you manage your divergent seasons, with the goal of building a harmonious and united home.

It all begins with sharing. Let’s start sharing our thoughts, feelings, e.t.c. and see how we grow as a couple.

Love,
Ngee and Rich
(Dr Richard and Ngozi Okonkwo)
Relationship Coach/Habit Instructors
Founders – Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3 (CEB).