Ngee says…

Hi friends, today I will be speaking at a P.T.A meeting about parenting the 21st century child and while preparing for the teaching I realized that this should be shared with all parents/guardians, enjoy!

Lead by example – children are lacking examples and mentors these days, therefore the onus falls on us parents to become the kind of example we want our children to be.

No longer is it okay to just tell them what to do – social media, peer pressure and much more is telling them different things too. They are looking for authentic/real examples; are you one?

The problem we have is that our children are so used to us, that sometimes they do not appreciate our leadership roles. As parents we must be strategic in our leadership; example – our sons not wanting to participate in the kitchen, but hubby and I discussing and finding a solution. By implementing Sunday night cooking; where hubby and the boys are in charge.

Eyes – as parents, teachers and adults we tend to tell the children under our supervision what the future holds and consequences of their mistakes.

The truth is that they cannot understand what we are saying, because that is not the reality they are living now.

To communicate with our children we need to come into their world and see life through their eyes. If something matters to them; then it matters to you too. Come to their level without judgment and they will open their world to you. Giving you the opportunity to learn and draw them up.

Example – I had to learn the current dance steps as a way to come into our children’s world.

Appreciate – we parents/guardian are so good at correcting our children/wards mistakes that we miss out on the milestones they have achieved or achieving.

Take for instance – your daughter/son dropped in his/her academics but improved in soccer game, rather than berating the child; why don’t you try to congratulate him/her on the improved football skills and then ask why the results dropped. This gives the child the confidence that you believe in them and he/she will try to improve academically without losing the football skills.

Reach out – this for me was the hardest to learn, as our children are becoming teenagers.

I was so used to having them listen to us, that we didn’t realized that other voices had begun to matter.

Hubby and I had to learn the tactics of reaching out to them and sometimes being rejected. Yet we continue to reach out because this is a season (between 12yrs – 16yrs) that will soon pass and if you stop reaching out, then you would have missed out on crucial developmental years and might even lose their friendship/closeness.

Nurture – this 21st century seems to base success on how successful you are in the workplace. We are spending time, learning new skills for the job/career; yet we refuse to learn new parenting skills or belong to a forum where knowledge is shared.

How intentional are we about setting up a forum for us and the children were debates and free expression of self can go on? This usually helps us as parents to understand and identify areas that we need to improve on as parents and also as children.

In this nurturing season both parties (parents and children) have to give room for mistakes, corrections and learning.

As our children are becoming teenagers, we have shared with them that parenting is still new to us, because daily we all are changing/evolving. We are open to learn from them and this helps them to be open and learn from us too.

Remember this, nurturing is not just your child changing but you both changing and becoming what your child needs per season.

I usually say this prayer daily – “Grace Lord, to be the mother our children needs per season, in Jesus name Amen!

Rich says…

One of the greatest seeds we have in life is our children. We have the privilege and responsibility to prepare them, equip them and plant them in God’s chosen path for them.

Then the harvest that will come forth will give God glory.

Time – these five principles hinges on you making out TIME.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • In goal setting, where does parenting fit in?
  • How many hours do I intentionally spend with the children?
  • When under pressure will I choose – work, friends or keep the promise made to the children?

Till we intentionally create time to invest in our children, we will lose out on the true essence of success and legacy.

Ngee & Rich
Founders of Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3 (CEB).