Ngee Says….

Hello people! How’s your week going? It’s been a while, we had so many events (Touch of RedBar to Bar) but to God be the glory. We are still here waxing strong.

I cringe at the separation and divorce rate in the society couples are now roommates, it doesn’t matter if you are a Christian or religious ……. When we counsel people, they feel they have been hurt too often to even try to forgives.

The simple truth is this; marriage is simply “2 forgiving servants” ….. There is no marriage that is great today, that didn’t get to the crossroad of, ‘Do I forgive or don’t forgive’.

 

Some things are easier to forgive we all agree – it’s easy to forgive our spouse(s) in little things like insults, coming home late, failing in their duties once in a while but it gets more difficult when our spouse(s) deliberately denies us the love and attention we assume to get in our relationship or is always unfaithful.

The 3rd key to excellence in marriage (relationship) is forgiveness (repairs). Don’t forget we are comparing our marriage with a car and how it functions to understand better the needs and functions of a relationship especially marriage.

Rich says…

Excellence in marriage is very desirable but it doesn’t jump on you but must be worked at daily. The basic factor in any relationship especially marriage is friendship which simply means doing and enjoying things together with your spouse (partner)

It is a give and take relationship but you can’t give anything without first forgiving.

Whatever you do, carry each other along so that you both have the same picture and keep working at it because the day you stop, you actually don’t remain on the same spot but you’re retarding. 

 

When your car needs REPAIRS, you make out time to sit with the mechanic and get to the bottom of the problem, then you pay for it and the car is back on the road, Right?  This is an inanimate object, yet we take for granted the relationship in our lives especially our marriage(s) and expect it to keep on working.

If you have issues that need discussing, attend to them immediately as Paul said in Eph 4:26 (don’t let  your sun go down). I remember I and hubby always knew that forgiveness was a mandatory tool for a successful marriage but it never occurred to both of us that we had to make out time, sit, get to the bottom of the problem and forgive each other.

You are wondering, forgive each other! Yes; forgive each other! The one who has been hurt has to forgive. Also the one who caused the hurt or is at fault has to forgive himself/herself and give the spouse time to heal. Some hurts/ mistakes take time to heal and forget but consistent prayers together and talking about solutions go a long way.

4. SERVING – ONE – ANOTHER (Vehicle Controls)

Serving – One – Another is the ability to love. We can’t say we have truly loved. If we don’t find ways to serve each other daily. – John 3:16, John 13:4-15.

How do I serve effectively? 1 John 3:18 by putting the other before yourself.

  1. Basic needs of the other what’s your spouse basic love language? Show love to them in their own love language.
  2. Core fears: we all have fears from our past. The ability to address each other’s fears and build an environment of trust.  Don’t forget the vehicle controls in a car don’t compete but serve each other for the greater good. The gear, accelerator, foot brake etc all serve each for the greater good of the car – moving from one place to another.

SHARE COMMON GOALS- (Driving the car). The ability to share each other’s dreams and create a common vision for each other to run with is, the bonding glue that keeps the marriage going

  1. Do you share your day to day activities with each other?
  2. Do you both have a common picture of what your relationship should achieve in the next one year?
  3. What’s your spouse goal for the year and what’s your role in achieving it?

You become a driver when you had passed the driving test and obtained the driving license. As you drive often you gather experience and you could be called an expert.

Sharing a common goal is the driving force of any relationship, this helps you bond together, stay in harmony and arrive at your desired destination together.

Bonding time 

Discuss each other’s goals and find ways to help each other achieve their dreams.

Once a week make out time to do something for your spouse in their love language.

Pray together daily.

 

Love,

Ngee & Rich       

Founders of Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative

“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3 (CEB).