Hello people! Hope you are having a grace filled week? Hmm! When we decided to teach communication in our last HELP seminar, I and hubby had a good laugh at ourselves. I know you are wondering why? This is simply because any quarrel we've ever had in our home, stemmed from miscommunication or lack of proper communication. Let me share one of our stories ..
Whenever my husband came home then, I will run to greet him & he will just say to me " I'm fine!". Then I will get so upset and work away or start complaining. You are really wondering what I'm talking about now. Ah! He said fine now, what more do you want? But nobody taught of how I saw it or heard it. His tone was so harsh- I'm fine! He wouldn't return the hugs. I will get so upset that I will start the 'silent treatment'. Till one day we decided to seat and talk to each other till we get to the bottom of the problem. Amazingly, we did! It was communication. We were surprised, yes we communicated but we never considered how the receiver of the message got it. We most of the time concern ourselves only with the words as communication. But proper communication comprises of tone of voice-38%, body language-55%, the words-7%.
Are you surprised, so were we. We most often assume that because we talk with our spouse daily that communication is taking place, most of the time it isn't. Communication is like a letter, the letter has to be written, posted with an address and delivered to the particular address on the letter. Can we say a letter is delivered if it gets missing in transit?
When communicating, we should always remember who we are trying to communicate to and relate to them in the way they can understand. The way I will speak to my 3years old is totally different from the way I will speak to my 6 year old or even my nearly 8 year old. An example is this- if I'm talking to my 3 years to get me a pencil, the sentence will go like this-" Kaeto, please when you get to my drawer on top of my red bible, you will see a black pencil". But for my 6 year son, it will go like this-"Kd, do get my pencil on top of the drawer". Did you notice the slight difference and how they produced the same result.
In our marriage, we should consider or understand our spouse level of education, how important the subject or topic you both are discussing is to him / her, their emotional peculiarities and sometimes their past. We should consider also the 3 areas (body language, tone of voice & the words) of communication and learn to use the 3 effectively to achieve your desired goal.
Communication is not only the life of a relationship but is the window to our heart. No one knows how much you care, till you communicate through care, gentle words,touch etc.
- Read together James 1: 19-20
- Together, say these words- "travelling today". Try to say these words to each other, changing the tone of voice and the body movement without changing the wordings. Your spouse should try to determine what emotion you are portraying (anger, happiness, lonely etc). This will help you understand your level of communication and areas you need to work on in your marriage.