‘MY MONEY! OUR MONEY’
Wow! The table talk on Saturday was awesome! The discussion was an eye opener and everyone including me and hubby left with something. But for those that missed it, you can watch on Youtube next weekend!
Money is one of the biggest causes of separation, divorce & broken relationship. The question is this: is it possible for two people dating, courting or married couples to become one in every area especially in the sensitive area of money? The answer is ‘YES’! Yes it is achievable but there are guide lines and principles that are simple and yet have great results. These guide lines were created as we hungered/desired a home filled with ‘ONENESS’ unity and growth. Gen 2:23-25.
The golden question is: is the decision I’m making now concerning our finances bringing us closer or further apart. This question should become a part of all your financial dealings. To achieve this we’ve developed the ‘4 step rule’
- Define your relationship.
Never be afraid to define where your relationship is at and where you’re hoping /believing it should be.
Example: Dating? Will the relationship lead to marriage?
Money is very important and the way you handle it in your relationship is very crucial. You might not have a joint account but it is necessary for proper accountability to reveal to your partner your financial inflow and outflow and hence the money available to work with.
The right attitude is to have money and not money having you! Always remember that God is the owner of all the silver and gold in the earth and we are stewards of His resources……….
- Financial Parameters/Guidelines.
What are the financial parameters/guidelines we expect from each other in this stage of our relationship? Every stage of relationship has different set of guideline it must be written. (Habakkuk 2:2.) Dating guideline is different from courting and marriage.
Example: If you are dating someone and he /she needs to buy a house, your contributing to the goal of buying the house is optional. But if courting /married you need each other’s consent. For married couples, you will have to help in actualizing the goal.
When sending money to in-laws we have an understanding in our home of how the money should be sent. If I’m sending to my mum or siblings or relations my husband sends it. But if he needs to send to his parents/relations etc, I send it. What do we want to achieve by doing this? A common FRONT (UNITY). Decide what you what to achieve. Then set the guideline.
- Open Communication (Verifying the goal).
Relationships are dynamic. As you grow, some guidelines would be dropped, enhanced or new ones added. But this can’t be done, if both people don’t sit periodically to discuss about their finances and the goals they want to achieve. Don’t forget telling the other about the financial decisions you’ve made that affect them, isn’t the same as agreeing on the decision together. When communication is not passed across properly it can lead to anger, hurt, unforgiveness, especially in marriage. There’s nothing bad in telling someone that you need to take time to think about the financial decision & discuss with your spouse. It simply shows strength of character & unity, which in turn leads to respect.
…..Two people will not walk together unless they have agreed to do so. (Amos 3:3 ERV)
- Accountability Pattern:
Accountability is what will keep you both in check, not to take each other for granted. For this to work effectively, you’ve study each other and show accountability in such a way that the other will understand. Example: I & hubby pool our resources together and because of the nature of our jobs, the management of our accounts falls on me often. I remember calling to ask if I could take N 500 from the miscellaneous account. He actually screamed & said you’re asking for permission to take just N 500! And I replied “I need to because, if I can take N500naira today, tomorrow I can take N5,000 and next N 100,000 without care, which will lead to distrust, anger etc.”
- Take out time to read scriptures: Gen 2:23-25, Hbk 2:2, Amos 3:3.
- Define what stage of relationship you are in and write financial guidelines to help you both grow in love. Expecting your testimonies.
Ngee & Rich
Founders of Keeping Marriage Alive Initiative
“Will two people walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Amos 3:3 (CEB).